Like most human beings, I list Vanilla Ice, aka Rob Van Winkle, as the greatest musician of all time. With hits like “Ice Ice Baby” and… uh…uh… that other one he is well known for, it is hard to deny V-I his rightful place in the history books as one of the greats. Adding the monumental cinematic masterpiece “Cool as Ice” to his resume brought Mr. Ice to a level of fame that extended even to unborn children and the deceased. Like everyone else, “Ice Ice Baby” played, and still plays in my head as the most beautiful soundtrack to life a man could ever have. The song is so relatable that it fits seamlessly into our lives to make the most out of any occasion or emotion. And for me, through a series of fortunate events, I get to take this a step further.
Sometime back in the mid to late-nineties, between learning Nirvana riffs and denying my secret love affair with “Dawson’s Creek”, my good friend and band-mate at the time, Allan J. MacDonald, came to my house with astonishingly incredible news. His sister had actually got to see Vanilla Ice in concert! In real life! ‘Magine that… Vanilla Ice in the flesh!!! I could barely believe it. My mind was buzzing like a thousand dial-up modems in unison. I felt like I was standing in the presence of royalty, being beside a guy whose sister saw live THE greatest musician our planet has EVER offered. But, it wasn’t done there. Allan J., my good friend, the man who stood strong beside me in such bands you’ve never heard of as ‘Hailstone’ and ‘Shed’, told me that at that show, when Mr. Ice had finished his encore, that the drummer came to the front of the stage and threw his sticks into the audience. AND, what then became the second most amazing thing I’ve ever heard up until this point in my life (I’ll tell you about the greatest thing that ever happened to me another time)… his sister caught one of the sticks!!!! I would not have been more amazed if current Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Cover Model, Tyra Banks, had said yes to the letter I wrote her asking her to prom. I couldn’t believe it, I was hyperventilating. “Di… di…did…yo…you….you… se…see… the sti…stick!?!?!?” I stuttered. He then reached into his school-bag and pulled out the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen: Vanilla Ice’s Drummer’s Drumstick. The stick was glowing like a light-saber, I could feel the essence of Vanilla floating through the room; Rob Van Winkle was ‘IN DA HOUSE’… and in this case ‘DA’ was ‘MY’ house!!!! I could barely contain myself, I could barely function; I was in the presence of greatness, that stick had hit the UP BEAT of Ice Ice Baby during a live performance, that stick was partially responsible for bringing to life THE GREATEST SONG IN THE HISTORY OF TIME! I could have had Tyra Banks AND Heidi Klum with me at prom and I couldn’t have been any happier. We felt like kings, we pranced around Inverness like we were invincible, like the only thing our hearts pumped into our blood was pure serotonin; we knew the stick would take care of us, we knew only good things would happen. And at the end of it all, when life couldn’t get any better and the pinnacle of happiness had been reached and surpassed, Allen J. handed the stick over to me and said, “It’s yours”. I looked at him; my friend, my band-mate, one of the greatest guys I’ve ever met, no words could describe the significance of the moment, of what it meant to me. “I’ll take good care of her,” I told him. And that was that, the stick was in my hands, the power of all the 90’s, of neon and high-tops, parachute pants, gold-chains, Jennifer Love Hewitt, grunge music, Saved by the Bell, Forrest Gump, Playstation 1’s, Pogs, Pokemon and Stone Cold Stunners had been granted solely to me. And I liked it.
That stick became a pivotal part of my existence. It’s been with me through the good times and the bad, it’s always there to say “Hey Kid, not every fella out there’s lucky enough to have a little piece of Robbie Van Winkle this close to ‘em, keep your head up!” and put a smile on my face. If I ever have a kid, that child will constantly be competing for my love against that stick, if I’m ever married and my wife touches that stick she’ll be an ex-wife in a hurry. Like the stick said, not every man is lucky enough to have a piece of Mr. Ice with them at all times, and that’s true, but neither is every man lucky enough to have a friend as good as Allan J. MacDonald to give them a little piece of history, a little piece of Vanilla Ice.
Also, the stick is for sale for…10 bucks if anyone’s interested…