A Brief History of Austria

Well, we’re back from another jaunt around the globe via the beautiful Austria and Germany. We love keeping all you INTERNETLAND STUDS up to date and informed on the places we’ve been. So, here you go. (Since we’ve been to Germany a couple times already, you can read all about us eating disgusting raw fish here: Fun Times in Germany) A BRIEF HISTORY OF AUSTRIA

Austria is a country with a population of 8.5 million people. 44% believe in God and trains are very fast there. No one knows if there is a correlation between the two. The Sewing Machine was invented by Austrian Josef Madersperger.

World War 1 was started when modern day Glaswegian indie-dance rock band, Franz Ferdinand, went back in time to pose as an Austrian Archduke and was ultimately assassinated. From my understanding of the situation, various parties were incredibly angered that their grandkids would not be able to dance to the upbeat jam “Take Me Out” in the future. Thankfully, the song was salvaged.

The Most famous people from Austria are: 1. Mozart 2. THE TERMINATOR 3. Hitler * 4. Arnold Schwarzenegger 5. Sigmund Freud

* They are not proud of this fact.

In the entertaining documentary “Terminator 2”, famed Austrian, THE TERMINATOR, is shown in his quest to save a young boy, John Connor, from assassination. To this day, it is said that no human being has watched this heart-wrenching documentary without shedding tears. I know I have.

THE TERMINATOR is married to Maria Shriver – the niece of the 35th President of the United States of America, John F. Kennedy, who was assassinated November 22nd, 1963 at the age of 46. Coincidentally, 32 years later in the year 1995, John Connor was saved from his own assassination by THE TERMINATOR himself (full circle). This may be almost impossible to fathom, but believe it or not people, at this time, THE TERMINATOR was ALSO 46 years of age!!! I don’t know what this means, or the bearing it has or will have on mankind as a whole, but I’d be willing to venture that if more Austrians were aware of this astonishing fact and correlation, the percentage of believers in the Big Fish up in the sky that I mentioned earlier, would skyrocket!

Sigmund Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis, was the son of a wool merchant and also, his mother. A notorious advocate for snorting as much nose candy as possible, Freud only visited the U.S. once in his life. On this trip to New York City, it was quoted at the time by an unknown source that… “Freud and Carl Jung are some badass motherf$@#ers. Those nerdy, old dudes know how to party. I haven’t seen that much blow since the dawn of 80’s hair metal… which, still hasn’t happened yet… so yep… haven’t seen that much ever!”

Vienna, the capital of Austria and also known as “The City of Dreams”, is said to have its architecture based around that of my own hometown of Inverness, Cape Breton. The similarities are astonishing. It contains the oldest zoological garden in the world, the world's largest emerald, and, from this writers own personal experience, zero clowns.

50.8% of Austrian males are overweight and the country has the highest per-capita Nobel Prize winning percentage. Each Austrian mentioned in this article has been a recipient of a Nobel Prize, including THE TERMINATOR for the Nobel Peace Prize.

Famous Austrian and Recipient of The Nobel Peace Prize, THE TERMINATOR TheTerminator