Here’s what we’ve been up to: We headlined at the Seahorse last Friday during “Fleet Week”. Since European Sailors are The Town Heroes favourite people, it was a good time. On Wednesday we ventured to PEI to open up for our friends The Stanfields @ Hunter’s Alehouse. On the way, we stopped in Elmsdale, or Enfield (whoever knows the difference is a genius) and came across the best washroom hand-dryer in existence- the BLU STORM. I used to think the XLERATOR! was the best, but the BLU STORM blows just as hard and has a fun blue laser that, if you are slow or have no concept of feeling in your hands, indicates clearly where the 200mph wind is blowing and burning the skin of your hands. The current list for The Town Heroes Rankings of Washroom Hand Dryers is as follows: 1. BLU STORM 2. The XLERATOR! 3. All other hand dryers
The show was a good time and The Stans rocked ‘er real good after we got off stage. Good band, good people. I don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing, but I can’t remember the last time I was at a bar and I didn’t know the drunkest person there. I guess it makes things interesting.
After the show we went back to the hotel to see what shenanigans we could get into. After determining that entering the attic of the hotel room was a good idea, various people also agreed that spraying a fire extinguisher into the confined space was also a stroke of genius. Upon losing oxygen after the initial spray, the new inhabitants of the dark cavern proclaimed, “We should get the fuck outta here!” Covered in a beautiful layer of aged asbestos and gaping for oxygen, they fled their home. Bruce Gillis jumped down and took a breath of what he believed to be the beautiful fresh air of planet earth that he so longed for. Instead, he was met in the face by another spray of the fire extinguisher- perfectly timed at the exact moment of inhalation. The substance, whatever the fuck it is, travelled into his lungs, around his heart and on through his blood-1. Bruce screamed in agony. “Is this the end?”, he thought. After gaining a vampire like complexion, a smokers cough of 60 years, the eyes of an Asian stoner, a new world record in the verbal use of the word “fuuuck”, a two hour shower and a few litres of water and beer, he was fine. Here are some direct quotes that sum up his experience.
“It felt like a midget got inside my body with dull razor blades and shaved my lungs...” “Like someone replaced an eyewash station with pure acid....” “Like Strep throat but 7 million times worse...” “Not that I was ever a fan of what Hitler did, but I definitely aint now...” “If ya ever stumble across someone with a face on fire, do them a favour and don’t spray them...” “If cancer is that bad, i’m gonna start drinkin’ some green tea... and eatin’ blueberries... get those antioxidant things... they keep it away... don’t they?”
There you have it kids, don’t play with fire...extinguishers. In other news, watch our video, it’s on facebook, youtube and all that. We’ve got some fun shows coming up. This Friday we play with The Stanfields in Port Hawksbury at the festival of the Strait and the next night we’re at Late, Live, and Peter White at Jokers in Halifax. Should be good. Thanks for reading. Mike
1 Hey Rosetta