A most crucial component for every artist is their written biography. This gives people an idea of what the group sounds like, who they are and what they’ve done. After reading one, people should have a generally clear idea of what the band is all about. However, when seeing a bio on a webpage or in a press kit, people are typically seeing something that’s been edited, revised, rewritten and edited again. To see our “official” bio, you can click on the “Info” link up above. But, to let you all in on what could have been, here’s some writing and information that didn’t quite make the final cut.
The Town Heroes: Unofficial Artist Bio
Cape Breton’s answer to Chumbawamba, The Town Heroes sound like a cross between the lovechild of Dwight Yoakam and DMX (if men could have babies and this particular baby grew up in small town rural Eastern Canada listening to classic rock records) and The Silver Surfer. Members Mike Ryan (Inverness) and Bruce Gillis (Mabou), have been playing music in bands for the last ten years – three of which they have no recollection of. Both have never flown in a helicopter.
The Town Heroes are like an unforgettable and vivid dream of Wayne Rostad’s (On the Road Again) faultless moustache tickling you in all the right places; like the unwavering and soothing tones of Bruce Frisko’s flirtatious Live at 5 banter with the incomparable weather queen, Cindy Day; like a wild donair running free through the open wilderness before it’s caught, butchered, mutilated and put on a giant spool of spinning meat in the pizza shops of Halifax for incredibly inebriated twentysomethings to order at 3 in the morning to cap of a night (and add to the already lengthy list) of poor life decisions beforehand.
Inspired by Steve Yzerman, the hit T.V. series “Life Goes On” and thick sandwiches, TTH have carved a unique spot for themselves in the world of competitive Ball Hockey. To this day, no other band has defeated them in a match. Their overall record is 0-0.
In the year 2000, 4 months after the world DIDN’T end at midnight on New Year’s Eve when the clock struck 12:00 and VCRs and Packard Bell Computers were SOMEHOW able to realize it wasn’t 1900 (thank God!!!) and self-destruct by creating inadvertent time machines taking themselves back in time to an age in history where they were yet to exist and would therefore implode due to this horrific fluke of nature/man/science, Bruce Gillis received an 8.1 ranking on HOT OR NOT. Shortly after this, he began working at the Mabou Convent – mowing lawns and preparing piping hot King Cole Tea for nuns. In addition to developing a love for the ol’ King Cole, it was there, between the lawn mowing and forcefully non-abrasive chats with incredibly old women that Gillis first began listening to Much Music’s mish-mash of hip and cool songs of the time on their much celebrated “Big Shiny Tunes” records. This was to lay the foundation for all things BRUCE GILLIS.
On Halloween night in 1994, while dressed up as Michelangelo from The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Mike Ryan had his treats stolen by an older assailant dressed as Yogi Bear. This event heavily influenced Ryan’s musical career. “I had a lot of good candy in that bag. I even had a full, big bag of Roast Chicken chips! That’s something ya hardly ever get on Halloweens. I was distraught. I had no idea how to carry out the rest of my days. I thought my life was over. Not long after this horrific event, I picked up a guitar for the first time. All the pent up energy, anger and heartache inside of me began to spill out. It was an avenue to ease the pain of a fractured childhood.” With a means to escape the horrors of that night and the turmoil it brought him, Ryan’s guitar playing flourished. Although, this isn’t to say it was behind him. “I still feel the pain of that night, sometimes waking up in a cold sweat with the vision of Yogi Bear ripping the delicious candy out of my hands. And the thing is, when it happened, being dressed as Michelangelo, I obviously had a set of nunchucks with me. I watched enough Van Damme movies in my life to consider myself fairly competent with most martial arts weaponry. But… I didn’t react. I could have doinked Yogi Bear upside of the head and kept my delicious treats… and who knows what would have happened if I got to dive into that big bag of Roast Chicken chips and various other tasty snacks. But I didn’t. I can’t allow that to happen ever again.” From then on out, Ryan had a new lease on life – no opportunity would surpass him. Legend has it, that if you look hard enough, you’ll see that most Town Heroes songs have underlying themes about losing delicious treats on Halloweens night. YOU be the judge.
In 2014 while in Scotland, The Town Heroes ate Haggis.
The band’s goal is to have a blue checkmark beside their name on social media sites, have THE ROCK follow them on Twitter, to play on the TITANTIC 2, and to save humanity from most evils. Both members have been defecated on by birds at various times in their lives.
The most famous people to have copies of Town Heroes CDs, are: Jack White, Phillip Glass and Donald Driver (NFL Star and winner of Season 14 of Dancing with the Stars)
“The Town Heroes are good!” – Mike Ryan, Lead Vocals and Guitars for The Town Heroes
“Not my cup of tea!” – Harry O. MacDougall’s opinion of the band as stated at “The Hoff”, 2011
“The Town Heroes are like a warm river of David Hasselhoffs flowing softly against our lean and attractive German Bodies.” – Random German girls (rough translation)